Las letras de H & K: December 2012

p r o l o g u e

And after falling such a long way down, it hit my head so hard, everything became blurry. My breathing stopped and I fell into a long sleep

Would it have worked, after all those trials, my attempts to kill myself?

I realized it wasn’t like that, when I opened my eyes again, and few seconds later, my head starts pounding with strength; I try to figure out, where I was

I was sitting in a chair, a very comfortable chair, and…there were a lot of Rocks, like if it were a huge cave, mostly red colors filtered the…lets call it room.

After that, I realized, I wasn’t alone in my comfortable chair.

There were all these…creatures all around me, Looked like humans, but all…greener and some parts fallen or broken, some bones were out of their body…

I think…

The right way to call them were…

Z o m b i e s

C H A P T E R

O N E .

born to die

There are two kinds of people in the World.

After so, are the varieties.

I guess you would be guessing which one I’m going to say. Is it good, or bad? Is it people who believe and people who don’t? People with Powers, and normal people?

Not at all.

Those are part of the variations.

What I am talking about, it’s the main division about people, the people who watch, and the people who play.

I’m guessing you weren’t expecting that

Even do, I don’t care about what you think, I can see that now that I told you, I have to explain it to you.

To summarize,

the watchers observe life.

The players live life.

The watchers are the kind of people who watch others be. The watchers watch the players play. They observe the way of life, reactions, strategies, lies, truth, they, see it all. They tend to be comprehensive, thoughtful closed people, introverted. They like to hear what others have to say, and psychoanalyze the human being mind, but the don’t like to speak about themselves.

Thereafter, are the players. They have no idea about the existence of the watchers; actually, they don’t pay attention to anything that isn’t their game. They only care about THEIR game. The rules, the moves, sometimes the other players, to cheat or not to cheat, to break the rules, to join another player with a common enemy to assure your winning, to trust or not to trust, and who is using you to win.

Winning is, after all, all they care about.

They are, completely different from each another; here is where the variants are applied.

Most of the people are players.

Here are the odds:

69% are players, 30% are watchers.

I know, I know.

You are MORE THAN DYING to know the other one percent.

The other one are watchers.

But ones that got tired of watching, or realized that they may have been wasting their life’s and feel like they learned enough to go and try to win the game. So decided to start playing.

But, you think it’s that easy to go from one side to another? They just can’t help it, they are who they are, they play, but they are always watching. Players envy them because of they great skills on not getting into trouble or understanding things a common player doesn’t know. Obviously they are quite bipolar.Since they are the perfect mix between a player and a watcher.

Anyways that’s only a one percent, so there is a VERY VERY tiny chance you ever met one. Sure you think I’m part of the one percent.

No I am not.

At least, I don’t consider myself a watcher who plays.

And if you Judge by my text that explains the different things about the players and the watchers, it mean that I’m not a player.

I guess, I am a watcher.

All these I was thinking while taking a bath with Persephone, my favorite being in the whole World.

My boyfriend? No.

My cat.

My beautiful Black cat, which has the same age I did, I was going to turn 16 in a week. And tomorrow I would be starting preparatory. That really sucked, its supposed to be for my Benefit, for my future, to whatever I’m going to work so I can buy the food and clothes I need to for living.

Anyways, I was practically sure I would already have been dead by then. Not for these week, but before I get to finish the preparatory, anyways if I get to die this week, it would be wonderful.

I feel so damn old.

I knew my face was ‘young’ yet, but I was sure that it wouldn’t be for long.

I liked staying at the bathtub for hours, thinking about life. It was like if time actually didn’t run. And it was funny to see persephone swimming in it; it was a crazy beautiful cat. He liked water.

-BERETT? –The angry voice of my granny sounded once again like an alarm clock- GET OUT FROM THE BATHROOM NOW. IT’S BEEN AN HOUR AND A HALF ALREADY; YOU ARE LEAVING THE WORLD WITHOUT WATER IF YOU CONTINUE LIKE THAT. AND PLEASE STOP BATHING WITH THAT CAT, ITS NOT HIGIENIC!

-I KNOW! –I answered, then submerged into the water for few seconds and stand up to close the water tank.

I could hear my grandma saying ‘miracle!’ from outside the bathroom. It didn’t make fun for me.

Persephone kept on playing with the water while it would be running down the pipes. I grabbed a towel stacked to the bathroom door and covered myself with it. I always used like 4 to 5 towels after a bath.

One for the floor, so the cold tiles wouldn’t bother me,

one for the body, one more for the hair, and the other two for persephone.

As soon as I finished rolling the towel on my head and Left a towel on the top of a chair so persephone could stand there without washing up everything. I grab him out of the little water there was Left and took him to the chair and with the other towel I started drying out his black hair. He loved it when I did that.

Whenever I thought I couldn’t dry more with the towel, I would grab his brush and start brushing his hair while I dry his hair with the hair dryer, he would just loved it more, he would play with its little wind and felt like he was flying. What a weird cat.

I would stay hours with the ‘ turban’ in my head. So when my little cat was Ready I would take with him to my room and he would help me choose my clothes.

There wasn’t any variations on the colors, I Only had Black skinny jeans, t-shirts with stamps from my favorite bands, such as Linkin park, flyleaf, paramore, HIM, iron Maiden, Metallica, muse, ac dc, Pink floyd and others like those, Black boots, and well…everything black. Well, at least that way my granny would not jerk with me for the cat’s hair.

-HURRY UUUP! IT’S LUNCH TIME BERETT! –My grandma shouts again. - WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO HURRY YOU UP?

-COMMING! - I answered. Not that she was depth or anything. But if she shouts me I would shout back. I just hated when people hurried me up.

My grandmother was living with me (I’m not going to say that I lived with her, because this is MY and my parents house) because like 10 years ago my mom and dad went all the way to Australia to study some… fish crap or something. They are biologists and they are trying to find some new… thing. Who knows. Sometimes like, trice a year, I would receive letter from them, I don’t know why didn’t they send mails, isn’t there Internet in Australia or something? Anyways there were very short, wishing my best and telling about their Studies and the people they met.

When I finished dressing, I made my way to the computer. I open Blogger, afterwards I opened Twitter and after so I open persephone’s Facebook. He has more friends than i do.

-BERETT! - She shout again.

-I KNOOOW! - I shouted angrily, without knowing how to turn off that freaking alarm that woman had in her mouth.

On the desk I found persephone’s sleigh bell necklace, so I grab it, and quickly he came so I Could put it on his neck. He always, wears it proudly.

-BE---

-COMING!

I opened the door and he quickly run down to the kitchen where his food was waiting for him. I walked slowly to the dinning room to realize, I had to put on the table. Of course, that was why she would be hurrying me up so much. So I went to the kitchen and took the plates and glasses and the forks and knives and spoons and the soda on the table.

I sat down and saw granny coming with roast beef with lettuce.

While eating I wondered about the poor cows.

I mean, when the cows are nervous while you kill them, you can totally see it when you are eating it. But then I came to my senses.

Cows are actually raised to be killed, so somehow, they should all know it from the start, that once they get fat and big, they will be killed to feed humans. And while they don’t get killed, they get milked, to feed humans as well. Poor cows. Who is killing anything to feed them? No one. What a selfish being human can be.

Then I wondered.

what kind of person would grandma be?

I think she is a player. But she is quite old, so her game must have ended… still she is no watcher.

i guess she is a player who doesn’t know what to do now that her game is over. Actually, not so over, since it ends when you die.

Like if that where far from what awaits her.

-meaaaw –persephone was looking at me, sitting straight on the chair next to me from the circular table. His green eyes were looking directly into mines.

I watched my plate, I wasn’t going to eat anymore so I move it to his side were he stand up in two feet and started eating the rest of the meat.

-BERETT! How can you let that CAT eat your food?

-I wasn’t going to eat anymore …

-ANYWAYS! Don’t you know there are poor people in the World? You can’t throw food like that! – She said. I didn’t get it, I wasn’t throwing it away, actually, and if I get to know any poor person, I would go and feed him or her with whatever I don’t want to eat…

-Sorry –I rolled my eyes, not meaning what I said. –I’m going to my bedroom. –I looked at persephone so he would follow me, but he stayed staring at my grandma. He did that every time she would somehow offended him.

I started walking back to my bedroom and when I was bout to go inside, I heard him jumping from the chair and running back inside the room.

I started to write all about what I thought in the bathroom and at lunch on my blog. I do it because it’s more comfortable than a secret diary and anyways; I know no one reads it. And if someone does, well, it Works for bothering him with strange questions about life and my points of view, no one likes. Is it so hard to find someone who thinks like me, other than persephone.

I spent all day blogging, watching Pink Floyd videos on youtube and updating some pics on persephone’s Facebook.

I also started preparing the bag for the beginning of school. Like, 4 note books in case I would like to draw, or write down any interesting thoughts. My dear pencil case everything in my Evanescence bag.

After having dinner I went to bed, perséfone sleeping next to me.

Tomorrow would be a VERY VERY VERY VEERY long day.

Maybe I Could pull off the idea of making new friends. Of course, it was an impossible thing for me to pull off. God. I am being way TOO optimistic about school, I now I wont make any friends, that’s why thank god I have little persephone.

I spent the night watching him watch me until I fell asleep.

All of a sudden I felt all my face wet and something kind of sharpie and at the same time funny making me more wet, then it stopped. I opened my eyes and there he was, waking me up.

-meooow – he said while turning his head around like if he were smiling

-Morning- I smiled he walked down the bed and went to his little bathroom. I did the same, but in the bathroom for humans. I washed my face, and brushed my long Black hair, which blocked the view from my left eye, but I liked it that way. I put on my eyeliner and Dressed up.

I walked all the way to the kitchen with persephone next to me on every step and gave him his breakfast, and then I prepared myself a tea with French toast and had breakfast together. I wondered why cats like that food. I tried it a million times and didn’t like it. Well, its not that it tastes ugly, but the fact that it tastes like AIR… there is no fun in eating that.

It was 6 and a half AM

persephone was the best alarm clock ever. He knew how to wake me up in a good mood. Anyone else would make always the same mistakes and I would be whipping and shouting all morning because of my bad mood. Plus, my grandma would wake up at 7 and a half, which meant PEACE.

I admit I owe my little cat all mornings of my life. He also hates when he is disturbed while sleeping. He understands me better than anyone.

But still, I started feeling nervous about school. I just started checking my bag twice every ten minutes, checking my make up was in the same place than before and continually brushing my hair.

Then I came back to my senses.

Why the hell would I care about those fucking things, if no one were going to look at me anyways? And I wasn’t looking for anyone to look at me actually. And if someone did, why would I care? I relaxed and watched TV with him.

Then grandma Woke up and started screaming around the house like any other day. Anyways I already had my mp4 on so she couldn’t entirely bother me. I waited for her to finish breakfast while I was asking deep questions in form spring to my followers who think I am persephone.

Then it was time. Time to go to school, time to began a new stage of my life, time to see if it is worth it to live, or if I should just suicide.

The worst part was that I couldn’t take perséfone with me, if I just could take him with me it would all be so much better.

Damn school.

I enjoyed the loooong car trip to the preparatory and went to the secretary with my grandma were they gave me a map of the school and the paper with all my timings, so I went to my first classroom and grandma left with her ‘best greetings’.

Of course it was really early, so there was no one in the classroom. Even do I saw bags on some tables.

I choose a table in the back were nobody would bother me and I wouldn’t bother anyone, where I could observe the whole classroom and it’s dynamics, where I could see, without being seen. So I started making scarps and writing, for my blog. I guess I was… a Blogger? Or some kind of emo-blogguer. Who cared? Nobody read it. Not even mom.

After thinking that, something really scared me. Two things were written in my page where I was drawing scraps, while a tiny voice read what those things were wrote.

-HI! :D - I Looked a side. There was a girl with a turquoise pen threatening me of writing more Words in MY page. -What is your name? –She has this great smile in her face. Kind of annoying.

-…My name is Berett…-I responded her; she had this really big bow on her head. Its was purple and Black and had a Skull in it. A very ‘cute’ Skull. The Skull had big Black eyes and Pink cheekbones. I found it kind of funny. The girl had colored hair, purple, Pink and turquoise.

-OOOHHH so AWSOME! My name is Kaelin – she smiled again. Pink lipstick and lots of Black eyeliner – Kaelin Rooks, can I? –She took a sit next to me.

Did that meant I just made a friend? I didn’t considered… ‘Kaelin’ a friend, I barely know her. She was very slim wearing skinny Black jeans a purple t-shirt and a turquoise jacket. Weirdo.

-I like your drawings. – She said. I looked at my page. All I did was a Skull. But…a REALÍSTIC one… - I draw a lot too, want to see? – Where did THAT came from?

-I guess...-She interrupted me before I could end the phrase, taking her bag onto her lap, a Black bag with pins and plushies hanged from it. It Looked really heavy, like if in there she were taking 4 folders, 6 pencil cases 2 notebooks and GOD know what else.

She took a folder with a White block inside it. Well…not so White. It was pretty colorful, full of drawings. She handed it to me and said

-You are new here, right? – i nodded – yeah, me too – i watched carefully her drawings. Watercolors, most of them.

Very talented, Very variated.

-so Rooks, why did you came here with me instead of anyone else? – She Looked really shocked at the sound of her last name. She took her hair and played with it while thinking.

-ahmms… you seem like a nice girl, and also quite. And everybody else would go on and on with those freaking stereotypes. I thought maybe you would understand, and I tend to stay cool with…calm people. Like you seem to be– she explained.

Maybe ...a watcher? Maybe… a player?

But this wasn’t a strange case like my grandma, I Could see she psychoanalyzed me in few seconds to see what kind of person I was, yet, she cant stand it alone. Was I lucky enough to find a watcher who plays? It seemed like I did.

-Fine. –I gave her my ‘permission’ she smiled and started drawing some more, pretty quiet.

For a moment when I saw her I thought she would be like, a really heavy kind of person, like, she would talk to me all day long. Yet she stay cool, silent, Spoke when she thought it would be smart and necessary, I liked her.

After all, I knew she would follow my lead, and we would team up on gym and other group works. That was the good thing about a friend at school.

-Oh, I forgot to ask you. – Rooks said. I looked at her, wondering what was that she wanted to ask about me. – What is your last name? –She smiled – since you’ve been calling me all day long for my last name, like dad used to do, I thought it would be funny if I called you by your last name.

-Pawns. –I said. It was kind of funny actually, how both of our last names matched chess parts. But it seemed like she didn’t realized.

-Oh…well, I prefer Berett. – She said, expecting something more interesting as an answer.

-Me too.

-So why do you call my by my last name? –She explained her wonder to me.

-Don’t know. I think its funny, and I fit you. –She smiled for a pinch of a second.

-It kind of does. All my father family blood with the last name Rooks have this…strange personality, and we all call ourselves by our last name, so its kind of funny, when we are al together having dinner and someone says ‘Rooks, hand me the salt’ and everybody looks and tries to reach the salt.

I wonder how would that feel like. It’s been like 10 years since I don’t have a family dinner.

-So what happened to your father? –She looked at me surprised, and then let go. She realized I could see more than normal people. Anyways I don’t know if she would call them ‘watchers’ as I do. Maybe she had her own way of defining it, or maybe didn’t even bother on putting a name to it.

-He died on a car crash 2 years ago. – Again, I wondered what it felt like to see a family member die, especially one you loved as much as I could see she loved her father- I miss him so much. We were so close – it felt like she was about to cry, but she didn’t, less than a second after the phrase, she just put a poker face and let go of the pain.

Funny.

-sooooo……I have to go –she was smiling once again. – bye Berett! –She runs away from me when a blue car parked in front of the school entrance.

-Good-bye. – I said softly while I saw her leaving, and sat down on the floor.

The hours went away. I looked at my clock impatiently; it has been two hours since my granny should have come to get me.

My phone was out of battery; I would have been playing with it on midday because I was WAY to bored.

So I decided, after two hours and a half, to go and take a bus. Long way, thank god the mp4 didn’t run out of battery. I would kill my grandma before I get to kill myself, which was something for sure.

I fell asleep on the bus, but woken up just a block before my house. There it was, that big backyard and the small house. It was made of wood, my dad would have painted it yellow and there were only 3 windows, the one in the back of the house, were there would be my bedroom and two at the dinning room/kitchen (it actually was pretty much the same room. It was a VERY VERY small house.)

There he was, like any school day. Waiting in the backyard for me. Following the bus with his eyes.

He did that every time I went away from home. Every day after Junior High School.

I got up from the bus sit, and started walking to the back door of it, when I come put, I couldn’t see perséfone anywhere and heard the front door shut closed. I left my backpack in the garden and run to the house, door was locked with the key, so I clumsily tried to reach my keys on the pocket but because of the hurry, drop them off, and picked them from the wet grass, opened the door and couldn’t see anyone inside.

Where we being robbed?

Fearless, I run and opened the next door I got to find, where I was sure I heard something (My grandma’s bedroom)

What I found was something I didn’t expected, something horrible, what could have been the end of my life.

She was trying to kill perséfone, she was holding with all her strength to the poor kitten’s neck, to not let him breath, I was so horrified, so scared.

When she saw I was there didn’t let go the cat, but stop pushing so strongly his neck, to stare at me.

She was frightened as well as I was, but she was also angry, she was very angry and frightened.

The same second she stared at me, her eyes rolled up and turned white, and she fell to the floor.

She was dead.

My grandmother was dead.

Chapter

two.

shit happens

The next day I skipped school. I received a notification from my parents telling me that they were coming to take care of me, and to organize the funeral.

What a tragic death. What a strange death. So a family member died…did I felt something? Not completely, I would see all the people crying and running from here to there, worried about everything. I would just stand there and watch things go, because that is what life is. Going.

My grandma didn’t know lots of people. All she got was family. I started thinking, if I die, will it be jut like this? Tears, running, and funeral? What would be after death? Will I find my grandmother?

What was she trying to do with persephone? And why? I really doubted my presence would have made her have that heart attack…right? Was I the one to blame for her death?

I went to the bathroom, giving instructions that I was about to take a bath, persephone joined me in the bathroom, I filled it with water and tried to relax. Maybe I wouldn’t make it to my sixteenth birthday. Like if I had many people to invite or to have fun with, anyhow. I barely knew rooks and…well, I don’t know. I am just letting…life take me wherever it wants. This time persephone was, for some reason, out of the bathtub, watching me think.

I closed my eyes and lay my head on the wall. No thought came throw my mind. I just, stood there. Observing the roof, I slowly submerged my self in the water. I stood down there, with my eyes open in the bottom of the water. Could see the black figure of my cat watching me from outside the bathtub.

I was sinking. I was drowning.

A sudden nock in the door awoke me from my sinking wish; I splashed the whole room in fear of being catched trying to drawn myself.

-Berett? Could you hurry up with the bathroom please? – It was my dad’s voice. Persephone climbed into the water and joined me, I took a deep breath, trying to catch up with the air, my lungs thanking me for it

-Sure dad –I answered.

I finished washing my hair, and get out from the bathtub. I did my common getting-dry session with persephone and went to my bedroom to dress up for the funeral. What was funny about the funerals was that everyone would be wearing black. Several people asked me to talk about grandmother in there, but I absolutely refused every each one of the invitations, apart from the fact I didn’t really liked her, I wouldn’t be able to talk in public about her.

The funeral wasn’t too far from home, so we got there walking. I took persephone with me.

It was a really gloomy atmosphere, it didn’t last long, the big surprise was, that after the funeral, we would have to accompany mom back to the airport, it seemed like not both of them could be absent in Australia, so only one of them could come to take care of me, they said, that they would take 3 months turns, once 3 months had passed away, one would go to Australia and the other would come back.

Why couldn’t they be both together with me? Work work work work. If they worked that much; shouldn’t we be rich? Couldn’t I go to Australia to be with them?

Anyways, my dad was calm, a good company, but I was sure it would take him some time to get used to my ‘rules’…

For example, not even try to wake me up, don’t ask me about school, don’t ask me anything at all, etc, etc.

We had dinner alone and I went to bed. I wasn’t aloud to skip school the next day.

It was kind of weird, the fact that the funeral was made so quickly after the death. Some people wait like a week or even months to do someone else’s funeral. Oh, well.

When I arrive to my classroom, I sit on my original spot and take everything out from my bag once again.

I only drew circles. I could think of anything, an…artist block, I believe they call them.

I felt a male voice coming inside the room, which seemed to be chatting with a female voice, the female voice I did recognized. It was rooks. I didn’t look.

-Oh…- Kaelin says when sees that I was in the classroom, her voice showed disappointment and worry, I wondered why. –Well… Iasan, this is Berett, she is my friend, hello Berett, mind if I sit with you? –I observed.

‘Iasan’ there was a tall boy with black hair, he was wearing all black, and he had an enchanting smile.

- Hi there…sure, no problem –I answered- Hi Iasan.

-Berett, he is my brother, he is only older than me for an hour, unbelievable, right?

-Oh, so there is another Rooks? Well, I won’t call him Rooks so you don’t get mixed up with who I am talking to, don’t worry. – But he would still be a Rooks in my head. It was weird that I didn’t see him the first class.

He sat in front of us, but still would turn around constantly, to chat with both of us, he seemed like a good guy, a new friend. We all had similar music tastes and all of that teenager junk stuff. He was, absolutely and observer but liked to make his way with people. Like her sister might have taught him or something. He skipped the first class because he was sick, and violet would have been upset because she was feeling like sitting with Iasan that day, still gave it up to give me company. They were really good people. I wouldn’t believe I just made two friends. The day passed by really fast.

When I got home, I saw I had a comment in my cows-are-raised-to-be-killed-blog-post

Whoever it was, recommended me to read a book called…’farm rebellion’ or something like that. So now I had something to do apart from thinking. Nice.

The next day when I was sitting in the classroom, I saw Iasan coming into the classroom and coming directly to my sit.

- Do you mind if today I sit here with you? I don’t really like sitting alone –he excused himself, and waited for my response before sitting down.

-Sure, no problem. Did something happen to Kaelin?

-Oh, no, she just told me that today she will try to make new friends in the classroom, since she haven’t really met anyone else than you.- he sat down – not that…you are not enough as a friend, I mean…

-I understand. – I interrupted him. He was glad I did that, since he was starting to get embarrassed – she is a really pro-active person, needs more that two humans to pull off with the school, I think she is going to find two or three more friends, and stop her ‘search’ –I said, with a calculating voice, eyes in blank.

-Oh…that was a really good guess- he said in surprise –how long have you known my sister?

-Kind of…2 days. – He didn’t say anything.

We didn’t chat a lot, we barely talked to each other, and it was kind of funny that he would blush at times, or just couldn’t finish a sentence. It was weird sitting next to a boy, since I’ve always chosen females as friends.

He was a really fun guy to hang out with in school, and really smart, I believe that thanks to him, I might pass most of the tests.

I really didn’t see Rooks until the lunch. I saw her coming to our table happily chatting with two girls and a boy.

Oh yeah, I won the race. I knew she would come back when she had three. Her brother seemed used to the thrill. I just didn’t really cared to meet or not to meet people. When Rooks came closer, said:

-Hi guys, I want to introduce you to, Amy –she waves at her left side where there was a blonde girl with green eyes, wearing colorful clothes and a happy smile, who waved us hi – this is June – she looked at the girl on her right, who had black and blue hair, and turquoise clothes –and finally, he is Sam – the tall guy next to June, who had short brown hair, glasses and well… from the outside looked pretty normal.

Not long time after wards, I already knew them, Sam was some kind of nerd freak, June was a scene queen wannabe and Amy was…just like Kaelin. But instead of drawing she was more into the music business.

We became a friend group. Thanks to Kaelin, because if it were for me, I would just be Kaelin's friend. But this looked like a very new experience. Something I might not miss.

It was like those friend groups where you have all this different people and personalities. Pretty fun, I would be learning a lot from them. Even when there where two watchers (and a freak, which meant, yeah, you are a watcher, but you only think about your anime and comics and so on, and you convinced yourself you are a player, but you are not) the ‘friend group’ wouldn’t stay quiet, we would have long conversations about interesting themes, and we would make homework and study together, and they where already planning to hang out for the weekend.

Then I remembered.

My birthday!

I didn’t felt like celebrating it, but spending the time with friends sounded actually pretty cool. I was feeling like a true teenager.

Dad taking care of me wasn't the best ever. Some nights he would leave with his friends and don't come back until the afternoon of the day after.

Not long after this time, I remembered why I didn't enjoy my fathers company.

He came. But this time it wasn't the afternoon of the next day. It was 4 am in the morning. I could hear him, being really loud. It seemed as if he was alone, and he was beating all things in his way. I didn't wonder why he drank so much this time, his mother had passed away. But it scared me to hear him like this. I decided to make no noises, no sound, to be like a ghost in the house so he wouldn't beat me or anything.

But it wasn't as I expected. Because he screamed my name. And I heard him getting closer, and closer.

I started getting scared. I stood up and holded my heart, for it was beating with great strengh.The door broke open and there it was. My dad, looking all mad and desperate. He smiled at me and said my name again, he came closer to me and I asked him what was he doing, he said that this reminded him of when I was a little kid, that I had grown so much to be a beautiful woman. I tried to get off him but he was stronger than I, and as he took away my shirt, and I was crying, he said "my little girl" as he started grabbing my breasts and kissed them. I was sobbing by this time. Then he took his pants off and pushed my head down. Made me suck his cock. He then pushed me towards my bed, where the only thing I could do was scream no. Again and again, hoping someone could hear me.

I cried all night long.

The next morning I couldn't find dad anywhere. Best that way. Persephone was next to be and he woke me up, so softly, so lovingly.

I went to the bathroom to find that I could hardly walk, and when I got in I started vomiting in the toilet. Vomiting is rather fun, because you have no real control of yourself and your body, and you just have your mouth open in direction on the toilet, your hands grabbing it, and feeling, your sore throat as if it was a tubing, an open pipe and all the hot vomit just goes across it, just pouring down into the toilet. It felt nice. It felt...as if everything bad was coming out of me, like if it was leaving me. So when I finished I tried to vomit again but it didn't work, there was nothing else left in me. I skipped breakfast, grabbed my bag with my notebooks and a black pen, said goodbye to Persephone, grabbed an apple, and took off.

At school everybody was excited, yeeeeah my birthday party! what a piece of shit that was, I didn't really wanted to celebrate it, but I also didn't want to spoil their fun. Iasan sat next to me everyday now, and Kaelin in front of us. June and Amy went to other class so we met in the hallway and at lunch all in the same table.

We were all together at lunch, the girls discussing about the party arrangements, while Sam Iasan and I were just eating, Ias had finished actually, but he was staring at his plate, and out of the blue he smiles at me.

-Hey, Ber -That was the nickname they gave me- Can I speak to you in private? - He said to me.

-Uh, sure men -And I got up the table, he walked me toward one of the walls and stared at me bitting his lips, something that both Kae and Ias used to do quite often, with a playful smile and waited for me to say something. -What is it you want to tell me?

-I have a surprise for you, that you might like. -A pinch of interest came to me

-What is it?

-Oh..Kae will hate me for this, if she fins out - he laughed to himself, and then dot serious again to look at me and say- My birthday gift for you would be a tattoo, if you like the idea.

-REALLY? OMG, NO WAY! - Then I looked at our table and calmed down - But...I am not legal, how are we supposed to get myself a tattoo?

-Let's say I have a friend - He smiled- I am glad you like the idea.- We came back to the table, obviously I was smiling like an idiot, I always wanted a tattoo.

-HEEEEEYYY YOU TWOO- Laughed June and punched me in the arm and then blinked an eye to us both

-Shut the fuck up, don't open your mouth unless you know what you are talking about. -I said. Eyes blank, she stared at me

-Okey bitch, take it easy, I was joking men.

I look away, and take my lunch, leave it with all the garbage and go into the classroom.

I loved being alone in the classroom, it was quiet, nice, silent. Of course you could still hear the murmur of the other students outside, but it was the best you could get anywhere, and I sat on the windowsill to stare outside, it was a normal day, a little sunlight, a little wind, I open the blinds, and jump off, because I felt like it.

I was in the ground, my hair spread in the grass, I just lay there staring at the street, the cars coming and going, the noises, the dirt, the pollution and all the shit.

Time felt endless, just watching all the rushing by of everybody else's life.

-Berett? - Said a voice behind me, so I turn around and find Sam looking at me trough his glasses, worried for some reason. -Are you ok?

-Yeah men, why?

-I don't know....you...just, nothing. Are you coming in? Can I sit with you in this class? -He said

-Sure, just put your stuff next to mine - I said, and jumped into the classroom again and walked up to my desk and sat and then looked at him. - Are YOU ok Sam?

-What? Me? Yes I am absolutely fine. Definitely. - He sat and fiddled with his fingers, took his folders and then a comic book from his bag. He started reading it, I was thankful for this because I liked more silence. But it looked as if he wanted to say something, but I ignored it, and started drawing the veins from arms with a blue and red pen.

-Is it true, what they say? -He startled me

-What?

-That...Uhm...Your grandmother is dead, the one you lived with?

-...I don't wanna be rude to you, but mind your own business, and I don't know why people would go around talking about my personal shit.

-Yeah...sorry.

-It's alright Sam. -I tried not to be mean to him.

My dad didn't come to pick me up to school, so I went sometimes in the bus and others I took a cab. This time it was the latter, and as I looked trough the window to the moving streets, I fought never so hardly the impulse of just opening the door and roll away while the car was driving. It would have been interesting, wouldn't it have been?

The night came quicker than I expected, everything was dark and rain fell strongly, lightning bolts fell from the sky and I smiled. I like lightning, and rain, and dark clouds. It was just fascinating. When I got home I didn't want to come in, so I stayed in the yard, looking up at the clouds, so did Persephone, he looked a bit disturbed, didn't want to sit down, he would pace in circles like waiting for something to happen, something DID happen, I heard screams coming from up close, men, many men all swearing and laughing at the same time. I looked at Persephone, and moved my head symbolising for him to follow me, and started walking under the rain to the streets following the sound, just around the corner, was a pub. Apparently that's where dad has been going, and he seemed to get on a fight, against around 5 men in leather jackets with bandanas on their heads and sunglasses even though it was dark, and they where all kicking the shit out of him, and I said nothing and did nothing, and one of the men stopped and stared at us, first at Persephone and then at me, he blinked his eye on me and then hit my dad in the head. That's when I saw that the floor was full of blood and my dad was probably dead.

-Think the job's done -Said one of the men, and they all got in motorbikes and rode away.

I didn't got any closer to the body. All soaking wet, I got back to the house, got in, and acted as if nothing happened. Maybe it was my imagination, maybe I have seen nothing.

In the morning the police came, told me my father was dead, and that my mom was coming to take care of me, and I didn't cry. I felt nothing. I noticed my hand was bleeding, though. I think I had cut my hand with broken glass, but not entirely sure of it. I skipped school again, today would be my birthday party and all, so I would see the guys in the afternoon, maybe. It was a week from my grandmother's death and now it was my father's death. Would mine come soon?

-Hey, want to go for the tattoo now? - Iasan was on the phone

-Love to, can't stand it here anymore. where do we meet?

It looked like a normal house from the outside, but when we opened the door it was full of posters of 5 pointed stars with the point down and goats skulls, and posters of chicks with their boobs in the air or showing off their butt. The room was not only full of posters but also smoke, I had a deep breath into it and felt how my lungs died a little bit in the inside. And then this man came to us, he was big and roundy, had big cheeks and big hands, I couldn't find a place of skin with no tattoos on him, he presented himself as Bob. Bob the tattooer, sounded like a children's book.

I showed him what I wanted, a drawing I made, and then I took my shirt and unclasped my bra and lay on the bed thing, and Ias sat next to me.

I took a couple of hours, and it hurt so much and so deep in my skin I kinda enjoyed it, all my skin was pink, but when I saw my back in the mirror, I saw a piece of art, It was beautiful, black feathered wings from my blades to the end of my ribs, and in my column, between the two wings there was a representation on my bones, my skeleton from behind. It was the most beautiful thing ever, I jumped and hugged Iasan, completely forgetting I had my bra half put on, but afterwards clapping it shamefully again so it didn't come off or anything. I felt perfect.

-What do we go to school for? - I asked Iasan while he walked me to his home where we would have the stay-over with all the gang.

-So we can work afterwards and all that. It's just part of the system. Like a wall. -I laughed

-I sense some pink floyd in your words. - He smiled

-Yeah, that's one hell of a good movie. The wall.

-I want to get the fuck off that system, you know? I don't need school, I don't need to work.

-Don't let Kae hear you then -He laughed. -She doesn't really like it, but for some reason she agrees with all this system.

-That awful, she says so because she settles with little surely.

-I am not talking shit about my sis in her back, plus I love her.

-I am not talking shit about her, she is my friend.

-I know you are not, but I was just saying that let's not get off-topic.

-Well, I don't know how much I can handle to go to school everyday and all.

-I want to fuck off to, you know. Just go away, be free and shit. But it's not like we have a choice.

-Adapt to survive. I don't like it. Why don't we have a choice?

But before he could think of something to say, there we were. The rooks home.

It was two floors high, made of wood, you could see some balconies and many windows, from the door came Kae to greet us.

-Heeeey! Guys, what took you so long? Where have you been? Why didn’t you come to school Ber? –She said coming to us and guiding us to the door- C’mon in, everyone’s here waiting for you. –She had a big smile, and today her hair was all orange, with some tufts of blue colour.

-What happened to your hair? –I asked stupidly.

-Well, I dyed it, naturally –She smiled at me. I wondered, what was her natural hair colour? Probably the same as Iasan. We walked trough the door and she led us to the living room, where there was this big sofa and they where all sit in there, Sam playing videogames with June

Las letras de H & K

December 16, 2012

December 05, 2012

Character idea

December 03, 2012

Death is in love with me